Molly Brown Middle School

What do you say about the place where you had the most embarrassing and MORTIFYING moments of your entire life?

Our principal, Mrs. Porter, aka, Puppet Porter. I can’t believe she would have puppets all over her office and that Serena Poopendena would call me a puppet. It was like Serena and Mrs. Porter were in on some crazy Twilight Zone thing. I can’t look at a puppet without practically breaking out in hives.

The school. You may remember that it’s shaped like a square donut, with a courtyard hole in the middle. Eighth graders are allowed to cut through the courtyard to get to another wing but seventh graders are not. It’s some earned privilege thing. Very stupid. And I’m not sure how they really know if the people who cut through are really eighth graders or not. Do they have eighth grade detectors out there or something? And if you go through and you’re not in eighth grade, what happens? Do alarms go off? Do you have to go to jail or worse–to Puppet Porter’s office where you will be stared at by puppets?

I’ve been too chicken to find out myself but I know some seventh graders who have cut through and lived to talk about it so I guess there aren’t any alarms. I can’t wait until next year so I can cut through from the hall where my locker will probably be to the computer lab. Right now I have to walk all the way around in the hallways and it takes forever.

The eighth graders. Think they’re so great. It’s beyond annoying. It’s like they’re already in high school or something and we’re still in elementary school. Hello? We’re ONE GRADE behind you. Duh. There are three very hot eighth grade boys that I’ve scoped out. I have not shared them with Jilly because I’m afraid she’ll say something to Bus Boy and who knows what he’ll do. He may laugh in her face and say something like, “As if any one of them would ever like Puppet Girl.” Or he may tell them, in which case I will have to avoid about 90% of the school so I don’t accidentally run into them.

The cafeteria. I still don’t like going in the cafeteria alone but I’m getting used to it. Sometimes I sneak outside if I don’t spot Rosie or Mark or Tyler right away. I don’t sit with Tyler because I don’t really know his friends that well but it helps to see his familiar face across the room.

The cafeteria food. Believe it or not, it isn’t bad. I’m always reading books where they compare the cafeteria food to everything from unidentified glop to dog poop. But the MBMS food is pretty good. I like the chicken nuggets but my favorite is when they do the potato bar and we can put our own stuff on like butter and fake bacon bits and green onions. I love green onions but I won’t eat them unless I’m fully stocked with Tic Tacs. That whole breath thing, you know.


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